This post is based on the Book, “Do Hard Things” by Steve Magness.
Have you ever felt like you had to put on a tough facade in order to cope with life’s challenges? Maybe you’ve suppressed your emotions, ignored warning signs, or pretended to have all the answers – all in the name of being tough. But what if I told you that true resilience and strength don’t come from hiding behind a tough facade, but from embracing your authenticity and vulnerability?
In this article, we’ll explore the myth of old school toughness and how it can actually hold us back. We’ll also look at the benefits of being honest with ourselves and others about our doubts, fears, and insecurities. Finally, we’ll discuss strategies for ditching the tough facade and cultivating true resilience. So come on – let’s ditch the facade and embrace the authentic, resilient version of ourselves.
The importance of authenticity in cultivating resilience cannot be overstated. When we are honest with ourselves and others about our fears, doubts, and insecurities, we open ourselves up to support and growth. On the other hand, trying to tough it out and pretend that everything is okay can actually hold us back and make us more vulnerable to setbacks.
Old school toughness vs. true resilience
Stereotypically tough behaviors, such as suppressing emotions and avoiding vulnerability, may seem like they help us handle challenges more effectively. But in reality, these behaviors often do more harm than good. When we bottle up our emotions, we deprive ourselves of the chance to process and cope with what we’re feeling. This can lead to a build-up of stress and eventually result in a breakdown.
On the other hand, being honest with ourselves and others about our doubts and insecurities allows us to find support and build resilience. When we can be open about our weaknesses, we can work to improve them and become stronger as a result. It’s okay to not have all the answers and to ask for help when we need it. In fact, it’s a sign of strength and courage.
One example of the dangers of overconfident toughness is the phenomenon of overconfident readers. These are individuals who overestimate their ability to understand and retain information, leading them to skip over important details and make mistakes. By being honest about our limitations and setting realistic expectations for ourselves, we can avoid this pitfall and cultivate true confidence.
Here are a few more examples to illustrate the differences between old school toughness and true resilience:
- Old school toughness: Pretending to have it all together/True resilience: Being honest about when we need help or support
Many of us have been taught to put on a brave face and pretend that everything is okay, even when it’s not. But this tough facade actually makes us more vulnerable to setbacks. When we’re honest about our struggles and ask for help when we need it, we open ourselves up to support and guidance that can help us build resilience.
- Old school toughness: Suppressing emotions /True resilience: Allowing ourselves to feel and process our emotions
It’s often thought that tough people don’t show emotions, but this isn’t true resilience. Suppressing our emotions can lead to a build-up of stress and ultimately result in a breakdown. By allowing ourselves to feel and process our emotions, we can better cope with challenges and build resilience.
- Old school toughness: Competing with others /True resilience: Competing with ourselves
Old school toughness often involves trying to outdo others and prove ourselves to be the best. But true resilience comes from within. By focusing on improving ourselves and setting our own goals, we can build true confidence and resilience without getting caught up in comparisons with others.
- Old school toughness: Ignoring warning signs /True resilience: Paying attention to red flags and taking action
Ignoring warning signs and pushing ourselves too hard can lead to burnout and setbacks. True resilience involves paying attention to red flags and taking action to prevent problems before they arise. This might mean saying no to extra commitments, seeking help when we’re feeling overwhelmed, or taking breaks when we need them.
Strategies for ditching the facade and uncovering authenticity
So how can we ditch the tough facade and embrace authenticity in order to cultivate resilience? Here are a few strategies to consider:
- Set authentic goals: Rather than trying to meet someone else’s expectations or goals, focus on what truly matters to you. This will give you a sense of purpose and drive that will help you stay motivated and resilient in the face of challenges.
- Listen to doubts and insecurities: It’s natural to have doubts and insecurities, but they can be a valuable source of information if we pay attention to them. When we listen to our doubts and insecurities, we can identify areas where we need to grow and work to overcome them.
- Use the “raising the floor” technique to cultivate true confidence: This technique involves setting small, achievable goals that help us build confidence and competence over time. By raising the bar for ourselves gradually, we can build true confidence and resilience without putting ourselves at risk of failure.
Here’s Lisa’s story that illustrates one of the strategies for ditching “the facade” and uncovering her true authenticity:
Lisa had always been a high-achiever – her whole life. She excelled in school, she was involved in multiple extracurricular activities, and Lisa had always been at the top of her class. She was one of those students.
however as she entered university, she found herself struggling. She struggled to keep up and remain balanced. She had always been able to rely on her natural intelligence to succeed. Now she was faced with new challenges and a higher level of competition then she was used.
At first, Lisa tried to tough it out. She pretend that everything was okay. She suppressed her doubts and insecurities, tried to keep up with the demands of her coursework and extracurricular activities. But overtime stress mounted, she found herself getting more and more overwhelmed. She started feeling burnt out and was struggling to keep up with her responsibilities, at uni, at work, and at home.
One day, Lisa’s friend noticed that something was off. She asked Lisa how she was doing and encouraged her to be honest. Lisa realized that she had been putting on a tough facade for so long that she had lost touch with her own feelings and needs. She had been so focused on trying to keep up with everyone else that she had forgotten to take care of herself.
With her friend’s support, Lisa started to implement some strategies for ditching the facade and uncovering authenticity. She set more realistic goals for herself and started listening to her doubts and insecurities. She also began using the “raising the floor” technique, setting small, achievable goals that helped her build confidence and competence over time.
Slowly but surely, Lisa started to feel more resilient and confident. She was no longer trying to keep up with everyone else – she was focusing on improving herself and setting her own goals. And as she embraced her vulnerabilities and asked for help when she needed it, she found that she had a whole network of people ready to support her.
By ditching the tough facade and embracing authenticity, Lisa was able to build true resilience and confidence. She learned that it’s okay to ask for help and that true toughness comes from within, not from trying to hide our vulnerabilities.
At the end of the day, authenticity is key to cultivating resilience and true toughness. When we embrace our vulnerabilities, admit when we need help, we open ourselves up to support and to growth. Ditching the tough facade and setting authentic goals, listening to our doubts and insecurities, using the “raising the floor” technique, we build true confidence and resilience. Don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself and others – it’s the first step towards a stronger, more resilient you.
Here are five books for further reading that may be of interest to you:
- “Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown: This book explores the concept of vulnerability and how it is key to living a fulfilling life. It offers practical tools for building resilience and courage.
- “The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown: In this book, Brown delves deeper into the concept of vulnerability and its role in building connections and creating meaningful change.
- “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson: This book challenges the idea that we should always strive to be positive and offers a refreshingly honest approach to building resilience and finding meaning in life.
- “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown: In this book, Brown explores the importance of embracing our imperfections and being authentic in order to live a more fulfilling life.
- “Emotional Agility” by Susan David: This book offers practical strategies for developing emotional agility, or the ability to navigate life’s ups and downs with grace and resilience. It includes exercises and tools for building emotional intelligence and resilience.
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